Phuket Confidential

Phuket Species

A field guide to the island's recurring characters. Satire: composite archetypes, not real people.

The Seven-Day RegularSeven nights. Same stool. Same beer. He no longer considers himself a tourist. 2 min The Man Who Hated BanglaHe hates Bangla Road. Nobody is better qualified to explain exactly which bars are good there. 2 min The SponsorRent. Phone. Dentist. Motorbike. Misc. Graham insists he is not a sponsor. His spreadsheet has another opinion. 2 min The Rawai Old HandPhuket was perfect when Gary arrived. Unfortunately, everyone who arrived after Gary ruined it. 2 min The Muay Thai ConvertHe booked three weeks of training. Six weeks later he owns Thai shorts and has opinions about everyone’s stance. 2 min The Two-Week MillionaireVilla booked for fourteen nights. Friends at home conclude business is going extremely well. Nobody knows what the business is. 2 min